Dating Tips
If you have ever been romantically interested in a deaf person, this article is for you! At DeafandHOH, we want to help you have fun and have the date go as smoothly as possible. It’s ok to be nervous; keep an open mind and have fun! We have developed several tips just for you.
If you are not deaf, or hard-of-hearing, then you may have many questions about deafness. However, the most important questions you can ask are about their communication preferences. Deaf people are diverse and have a variety of communication styles. Below we will begin with the basics to help you out.
The Basics: Find out your date’s preferred communication method.
- Some deaf people can speak and lip-read. However, it’s important to note that not all deaf people prefer to speak or lip-read. If they choose to speak and lip-read, we highly recommend going somewhere that is not noisy. Unless the person says it’s ok with them, avoid places like bars, or anything with large crowds and/or loud music playing in the background.
- Remember to keep in mind that not all deaf people wear hearing devices, and these subjects can be sensitive.
- Make sure the place you are making a reservation at is well-lit enough for the person to read your lips, see your face, or even see you signing clearly.
- Get the items on the table out of the way. If you plan to sign with a deaf person, it is important to be sure the person can see you clearly. Getting the items out of the way shows that you are centered and they have your full attention.
- Allow the deaf person to order their food or whatever they please. Do not infantilize them. It is very likely they have been infantilized by other hearing people in the past or they have faced marginalization in their lives. If they’re giving you the chance on a date, they most likely trust that you will treat them as equals.
Date Ideas and Planning Tips
You’re not just picking a location; you’re picking an experience! Be thoughtful and impress your date by researching and requesting accommodations ahead of time. If you aren’t sure where to go out, check this link out: www.deaffriendly.com. They have helpful reviews that rate a business on its deaf friendliness! Keep reading for tips on movie dates, lives shows, and at-home dates.
- Movie Theatres: Before going out, check to see if there’s open or closed captioning. While you can check local AMC theaters, don’t forget about drive-in movie theaters! Check our previous article about the local AMC theaters; [insert link]
- Live Shows (Ballet, Theatre, or Dinner Shows, etc.): You can request an interpreter to interpret the shows. If they say they cannot hire an interpreter, there is an ADA document that you can show them. Go to https://www.nad.org/resources/advocacy-letters/ and download it before attending places or making reservations. They will most likely comply with the request.
- Musical Concerts: If you are interested in having an ASL interpreter, you can go to www.deafinitelydope.com and request a musical interpreter to be at the concert. You can also call the venue and request an interpreter to be there. If they refuse to provide accommodation, you can also show them the advocacy letter mentioned above.
- Dinner at Home: To create a dating-like setting, you can cook with ASL pasta and practice signing skills with the deaf person you are interested in. Check this small deaf-owned business out: pghiatus.myshopify.com. They created ASL pasta to help enrich families by practicing signing with their deaf children.
- TV at Home: You can watch a movie off Amazon Prime, Netflix, or Hulu with your favorite snacks. Be sure to set closed-captioning on.
- Gifts: Lastly, don’t forget to get your sweetheart a card in ASL! It will make their day! Check out an incredible deaf-owned digital art shop here: www.58creativity.com.
PRO Tips: Want to take the next step? Learn ASL for your signing sweetheart!
- When you are talking with a deaf person, keep in mind that you already have gestures within you that you use in daily life that you may not have noticed before. Using these gestures will come in handy. For example, some of the gestures may be holding your hand out and saying “what?” The gesture of tapping your belly indicates that you are hungry. The gesture of drinking indicates that you are thirsty and want a drink. Don’t be shy/afraid to try ASL! Using gestures allows you to be creative, and you may be surprised to find yourself being naturally expressive. If you are interested in learning specific signs or phrases, check this website out; www.signingsavvy.com
FAQs
Is it hard to date a deaf person?
Some people assume that dating a deaf person is difficult because they often assume they are not able to enjoy music or go to the movie theater. However, there are a lot of deaf people who enjoy music and can feel the music through the beats. Fun fact: You can hold a balloon by the speaker and feel the bass through it. This was commonly used in the past at parties. When it comes to communicating with another person, there are barriers but there are also solutions. The solutions include learning how to sign, requesting interpreters, and using writing. Don’t worry much about it and go with the flow!
Is it hard to learn sign language?
Some people think it is hard to learn sign language. It isn’t hard if you put the effort into it and use it daily. It is only hard if you don’t use it. It all depends on you and your interest. It can take a person 6 months to learn or it can also take up to a year to become fluent in sign language. It all depends on who you hang with and how much you work on it. If you hang out with deaf people every day or your deaf partner, then you will absolutely pick up on a lot and become fluent within months.
Isn’t lip-reading enough?
Try putting yourself in the shoes of a deaf person who speaks and lip-reads. Lip-reading is a full-time job, and it is estimated that only 30% is accurate on the lips. Speaking is also hard because many sounds look similar or sound the same. For instance, try saying “I love you.” It also looks like you are saying “olive juice” and “elephant shoe.”
